A couple things.

First, thanks for all the prayers for our time together last weekend. We had a great time and really got a chance to enjoy being a couple again. Maybe that sounds stupid or mean, but it's nice to just have time as husband and wife instead of "father" and "mother."

I got a call today. It was from a lady at CPS who I had never heard of or talked to. Since I was at school, she just left a message. She was telling me of a visitation that is set up for Wednesday afternoon for Miss S. Not Miss S and Lil C...just Miss S. Towards the end of the message, she mentions to me that it's with her dad. My heart sinks for a moment.

Let me rewind this a second. Last night, we had a very good friend of ours set up a hair appointment for Miss S to get braids put in. Now she's been very vocal about her pain when Denielle styles it for her. I didn't want the same thing to happen with this woman we've never met before so I told Miss S that if she made even a peep, she'd spend the rest of the night in her room. Probably a little harsh, but I wanted her to know I was dead serious.

During the braiding, I looked at her a few times and she was cringing and even started tearing up towards the end. The stylist knew it because I guess the very last braid puts a lot of pressure on the scalp. I knew she was thinking about what I had said and didn't want to be punished for it. And I really appreciated it.

When the stylist left, I went over and just picked Miss S up and gave her a big hug. Usually she gives a little hug back and lets go within about a second. Not this time. She wrapped both her arms around my neck, buried her head in my shoulder, and started to cry. All I could do was hold on tight, rock back and forth, and tell her how awesome she did and how proud I was of her for not complaining. I held her for a few minutes and then we walked into the bathroom to get some tissue and some children's Tylenol for her impending headache.

That's the stuff I'm good at!! Those exclamation points are shouts, not me being happy about what I did. Sometimes I feel like safety and comfort are all I have to offer her. Last night was one of those nights. After her hair appointment, I had the opportunity to hold her a little bit more while we played and she had a huge grin on her face and was laughing quite a bit. It felt good.

So fast forward to the voicemail I got today. After I listened to it, I got this huge sense that I am being called to really step up my game as a dad. I HAVE to show her what real love is. I HAVE to show her the difference between worldly love and the love that comes from a man who's on his knees before the throne. I HAVE to be patient, kind, not boasting, etc. (you know the rest).

I can do most of those alright. I'm horrible at loving her when I think she's lying or just trying to get attention. I'm not good at being excited just to see her after she's home from school. I know that's what she needs and I've seen the proof when I'm able to get outside of myself and give it to her.

Like I said, I just HAVE to step up my game now. She needs to know she has at least 1 earthly daddy who loves her.