Do not provoke your children to anger

What does that mean? How do I not do that? The second part of the verse shed a little light: but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Theoretically I think I have a good understanding of that. Don't be too controlling, let them be kids, let them make mistakes, don't forget to have fun with them, instruct them and teach them gently so you don't crush their spirit.

But practically, what does that look like? With Lil C, I think I have a good grasp; the female species is a whole new ballgame. I understand now why some of the best coaches are the ones who can adjust their style to fit each individual player. I remember reading about Tony Dungy, the former head coach of the Indianapolis Colts, talking about the difference between coaching Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison. With Reggie, he could just give him a good ribbing about how a sloppy route or half-hearted run after the catch would get him pasted by a DB or linebacker that week and Reggie would respond by running a crisper route or tucking the ball and taking off after the catch. With Marvin, Dungy came up alongside him and told him about all the smack that week's DB matchup was saying about how he was going to shut Marvin down. He laughed it off a little bit but Marvin didn't say a word. After practice, Marvin came to Dungy's office and told him he never jokes about his play or talks trash and that Dungy must not know him very well. Dungy never did it again and Marvin became one of the best receivers in the game.

All that to say, I'm learning that I need to seriously tweak how I relate with Miss S. I CAN NOT use the same approach with her that I do with Lil C. He "walks it off" within minutes but she takes a nosedive with her attitude and it's a struggle to get her back to neutral.

Denielle has, once again, helped me out a lot with this. I'll have some exchange with Miss S and try to be gentle and not provoke her and Denielle will say "That wasn't bad. Can I tell you what might work even better next time?" I have to admit that sometimes I'm not in the mood to hear even the most constructive of criticisms. But usually she'll throw in her 2 cents and it'll be worth gold to me.

I have to keep reminding myself that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. And if we love Him, we will keep His commandments. That doesn't mean I should take a timeout from disciplining because I don't want to get in a fight; it just means I need to pick my battles and let her "win" sometimes. As my amazing wife keeps reminding me, they've only been with us for 4 months. I think they've accomplished quite a bit in that span of time. If Miss S feels like she's always getting hit over the head with rules, she'll feel like she's never going to be good enough and just quit. I need to do the best I can with the big stuff and trust the God who formed her (and me) to change her heart at His pace and in His timing. After all, He's doing the same thing with me.