Man of God

When I was in high school, Audio Adrenaline came out with their album, Bloom, and it had a song called Man of God. I immediately thought that I wanted that song played at my funeral. I know, kind of weird for a guy short of 20 to be thinking about his funeral but I thought it was a great song. Here are the lyrics:

Sometimes i'm a liar sometimes i'm a fake
Sometimes i'm a hypocrite that everybody hates
Sometimes i'm a poet sometimes i'm a preacher
Sometimes i watch life go by sitting on the bleacher

But i've never been left alone
In any problem that i've known
Even though i'm to blame
There were times when things were dark
And i've been known to miss the mark
But someone fixed my aim

Sometimes i'm a man of god
Sometimes i'm alright
Sometimes i lay down close my eyes
And pray to god

Sometimes i don't feel good
It's hard to start the day
It's hard to climb the obstacles
That sometimes come my way
If i make it, i'm a good man
Am i a bad man if i fail?
I know i'm never good enough
So i let grace prevail

But i've never been left alone
In any problem that i've known
Even though i'm to blame
There were times when things were dark
And i've been known to miss the mark
But someone fixed my aim

Sometimes i'm a man of god
Sometimes i'm alright
Sometimes i lay down close my eyes
And pray to god i'm ready for the night
END

I say this because as I deal with parenting on a daily basis, I feel these lyrics more and more. I constantly feel like God is writing down everything I say to the kids because He's going to say the same thing back to me. When I get disappointed (OK, upset) when they don't do what I've repeatedly told them to do, I think "God's probably saying the same thing to me right now..." I'm not saying God is just waiting to strike. I'm saying that whenever I tell them something, I could see God saying the exact same thing to me.

Lil C doesn't really require much though. The most annoying thing he does is repeatedly say "Nih, Nih, Nih," when he's trying to get my attention and then when he does get it, he babbles something I usually don't understand.
Miss S on the other hand, is very frustrating to me. When she is a 7 yr old little girl who wants to be taken care of and taught and loved, I can't get enough of her. I love playing with her and teaching her to ride her bike and watching a movie with her. The problem is that she's so smart and has learned how to survive, essentially on her own. Those characteristics cause her to be manipulative, controlling, conniving, devious, and very crafty.

I remember talking with the lady at daycare and she was asking me a bunch of questions. Miss S was in the room and I kind of mouthed to the lady "I bet she's listening to us right now". The lady seemed surprised by that. Sure enough, as we were driving later that day, Miss S asked me a question about something the lady had said to me. When I called her on it, she got this sly smile on her face and looked away.

I can handle her being a little sinner but the mind games is what drives me over the edge. I know this is a little repetitive but it's what's going on right now. I just pray that God will make me a man of His heart so I can keep trying to love her. I don't want to just be alright or sit and wait for "the night" but sometimes that feels like a pretty good option.