That's gonna leave a mark.

Denielle and I have had our share of struggles with the kids but we had a monumental discussion on Saturday. Long story short, our perspectives and philosophies are very different and we had gone 11 weeks without talking about them.

I don't want you to have to read about all of it but the gist is that Denielle has been parenting Miss S and Lil C as if they're going to go back home to the same type of environment they came out of. One reality of foster care is that the majority of homes don't change too much between the kids getting removed and going back. The parents tend to change short-term but not long-term. So if a child was being abused or neglected, chances are they will be again.

I've felt for a long time like we had a little good-cop bad-cop situation going on with your's truly as the bad cop. That's because I pay attention to the details and try to correct the mistakes. Denielle focuses on the bigger picture and what the future looks like. So I come across as overly critical sometimes while she comes across as easy going.

This has caused a lot of frustration and tension at times which led up to our talk on Saturday. I was very upset that some things were being done and not getting handled. She was upset, essentially, because I was upset. Then she made the comment that she does what she does because these kids are going to go back home and be in the same situation. Since most people I've talked to think of kids getting physically abused in a "bad home", I'll use those terms as sort of a fill-in-the-blank for her statement. She said that she parents the way she does because she wants them to enjoy being kids before they have to go home and be abused again.

That hit me hard. For the record, I think I've gotten a lot better at relaxing my expectations and being more fun with them and not so structured. But, I have a long ways to go. Denielle was able to understand, though, why I do what I do. I have set up a lot of rules without her input because I'm usually the one paying attention to the little things and I have the kids for a couple hours before she gets home.

All that to say we had a great, tough conversation and ended up being a lot more at peace with how we're doing things.