Cut the sucker.

There's a movie from the 80's called Spies Like Us that stars Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd. They end up in the Middle East somewhere and are mistaken for a couple of doctors that this particular village has been waiting for. One of their first tasks is to perform a surgery that they have no idea how to perform. As they're standing over the patient on the operating table, Akroyd is studying the patient's torso, trying to figure out what to do with the scalpel in his hand. Chase is right behind him. Akroyd keeps going back and forth along this guy's torso, trying to figure out where to make his first incision. After several "back-and-forths", Chase leans closer and whispers in Akroyd's ear, "Cut the sucker." Akroyd makes an incision and ends up killing the patient.

That scene has been playing in my head over and over for the past several weeks. I've been wondering when CPS, and more importantly, the judge, was going to send the kids back to their mom permanently. So far, it's felt like pulling a band aid off very slowly. Yesterday, they ripped it off.

We had a meeting with Miss S's teacher, mother, and the family's newly-appointed counselor. The purpose of the meeting was for mom to understand how to communicate with Miss S's teacher and understand how Miss S is doing in school. We ended up talking for over an hour. We covered school stuff, but we also talked a lot about how the kids, Miss S specifically, behave and what they need on a daily basis.

Mom talked about how Miss S asks her when she's going to see her mom again. We told her that Miss S has never called Denielle "mom" before. I guess she only does when she's at home. Lil C asks for daddy now. When mom asks who daddy is, Lil C says my name.

When we left, the only thing I could thing about is, "I hope she's not full of it." Miss S could talk a good game when she was backed into a corner and I know she got that from her mom. So is mom really making some changes or is she just trying to fool is all? All we can do is continue to pray for her and the kids.

We got home from the meeting and we started talking about the kids and the uncertainty of it all. I sat down at the kitchen table to go through some foster care paperwork while Denielle started cooking dinner. I got online and checked my email. There was a message from our CPS caseworker titled "CPC." CPC stands for Change of Physical Custody. The judge had signed the CPC, effectively ending our first placement.

I really can't express how Denielle felt. Hopefully she'll be able to blog about it sometime soon. Here's how it felt to me. I felt like I was an Auburn Tiger. They just worked their tails off; blood, sweat, pain; learning from their mistakes; going through winter conditioning, spring training, summer camp, fall 2-a-days, a brutal regular season, SEC Championship Game, and then they beat the No 2 team in the country. As the clock ticks down the last few seconds of the game, the crowd is cheering, the players are starting to celebrate. It's a tie game with the Tiger's kicker set to make a chip shot field goal to break the tie and win the National Championship. Auburn can taste it. The snap is good; the hold is good; the kick is up and good as the clock runs out. They win the game, completing their championship season. Then the stadium falls silent, the lights go out, the confetti doesn't fall, nobody's high-fiving, no Gatorade bath. Nothing. Shower up, change clothes, get back on the bus. We're heading home.

That's how it felt for me. I'm not blaming anybody. I'm not even upset. I'm just confused. Now what do we do? We obviously have to finish packing their clothes, toys, and books. We'll have to separate what's theirs and what was purchased for our foster kids in general. CPS told us we can see the kids as much as we want to and as much as mom wants us to. No more guidelines, policies, caseworkers.

Miss S and Lil C already go to a different daycare. They're moving this weekend to a new house on the west side of the valley. Their mom got government assistance and that's where they've been placed. So they'll get a new school and a new house to go with their new daycare. Miss S has already had a bad week at school; no doubt because of the changes she's not in control of. And if her mom has changed, she's not totally buying it yet. She still talks about getting into trouble with mom if things don't go the right way.

There's more to say but not right now. Maybe D and I can sit down and do a video blog. We've talked about doing that. We'll see. Thanks for your support, prayers, thoughts, etc.