Oh....boy...

I have this feeling like I'm walking in to my gym. I've been there a million times and know the place inside and out, but for some reason I can't think of anything to do. I just can't get going again.

The reason for that is because I've been doing physical training (PT) at the academy so I haven't had to think of a workout for myself. The reason I have that feeling right now is because so many days have gone by without writing in here. First things first: if you've been praying for me to miss the kids when they're gone... knock it off!!

It's working. Last Wednesday was my last day of school with practicals all day, gear check-in right after that, and then home for food/shower before heading to graduation. By the time I got home, everybody was asleep so I didn't get really any time with the kids until Thursday. Thursday and Friday were both good days though. The kids were good, and I felt free. I had this huge weight lifted off of me and I could just concentrate on being there, in the moment. It was nice.

We took the opportunity Friday night to take Miss S to another (probably her last) session of gymnastics. She loves it. She loves playing and running and jumping and the balance beam and climbing the rope. She likes to keep tabs on us too. Right before or after she does something, she'll look to find us to make sure we're watching and give a little smile and/or wave. It's pretty cute.

After that we loaded the kids and Samson up in the truck and headed out to look at Christmas lights. We saw several cool displays and heard plenty of "ooh"s and "aah"s. At one point, Miss S, out of nowhere, says "You guys are nice. At first, wWhen you put me in timeout, I didn't think you were nice. But you guys are nice." I'm still processing that one.

Then we brought them back to the house, packed up, and took them to the library to drop them off with their mom...for 9 days. It's now been 4 full days since we've seen them and, to be honest with myself, I miss them. I think it sucks that when I'm finally done with school, they're gone. My hope all along has been that I'd be a quasi-dad for them but I've been so consumed with school that I haven't been able to do that. We've had some good moments in short spurts but I think I could've done much better with them.

Their mom has called twice and texted twice since we dropped them off Friday night. Giving updates and asking for advice. Advice that she claims to have already thought of, but whatever. At least she's reaching out. At one point I heard Lil C crying in the background and I could literally see his face and imagine him putting his hand up to his mouth like he does when he's hurt. I thought about how I'd bend down, put my hand on his back, ask him where his "owey" is, check it out, and then pat him on the butt and tell him to go play.

With Miss S, I think she's starting to see that things haven't changed much with her mom. She actually told her therapist last week that she likes things just the way they are. At the point, "just the way they are" meant staying with us M-F with afternoon visits at her mom's house, and then weekends with her mom. Daily life with her mom isn't just Chuckie Cheese and movies. There's sharing a bedroom (if not a bed) with her brother, getting yelled at, jockeying for attention with 1 parent while her cute little brother gets most of it. She's already been "lightly" spanked by her mom, too. Twice. Denielle and I both told her that Miss S isn't affected much by that. Her pulse lives off of attention and getting spanked isn't the punishment that seclusion is.

Alright, I'm rambling so I'm going to finish this off. Please continue to pray for their safety and relationship with each other and their mother. Pray that she will continue to reach out to us and pray that she will actually do what we advise her to do. Pray that God shows us what we need to improve upon and how we can minister to her and her kids. As always, thank you for being a part of this experience.